


‘cause i’m a fool for you

by kiwiihowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 1950s era, American AU, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Car Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Shower Sex, dan cheats on his wife with phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-01-10 06:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12292821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiihowell/pseuds/kiwiihowell
Summary: Dan has the American dream: a nice house, a nice car, a well paying job, a beautiful wife. It’s the perfect life. Until it’s not. Everything changes when Dan and his wife hire a housekeeper, and Dan begins to question whether this is the life he really wants.IMPORTANT NOTE: this fic in no way is intended to imply that cheating is okay! it simply was the reality for a lot of closeted gay men in this time period. i also don’t want dan’s wife to seem like a “villain”. so yeah.. have fun and enjoy!! just wanted to clarify :))





	1. Chapter 1

September, 1954

 

Dan kicks his shoes off at the door, immediately walking over to the couch and plopping down with a groan. 

"Don't get too comfortable, the new housekeeper should be here soon." Laura says, fixing her hair in the foyer mirror. 

Dan groans louder in response, smushing his face into the couch. He can't see her, but he knows that Laura rolls her eyes at him. It's natural when you've been married to someone for 3 years. 

"Don't be like that! She'll probably be really nice and you won't have to do the dishes as much." she replies. Dan lifts his face off the couch in interest. At that moment, there's a knock on the door. Dan stands and joins her at the door, and Laura gives him an approving smile. 

"Hello! How are y-" Laura stops. Dan raises his eyebrows and peers around her to see who's there. Instead of a young girl, it's a tall young man, who's hair is very obviously dyed black. 

"Hello." the boy says, looking behind them at the interior of their house. Dan and Laura mentally slap themselves.

"Oh, sorry come on in." Dan says. Laura is still staring at him in shock. Dan helps the boy with his bags, placing them in a spare room. 

"Daniel. You can call me Dan." Dan says, holding out his hand for the boy to shake.

"Phil. Phil Lester." he replies, giving Dan's hand a firm shake. 

"Sorry about before, we weren't expecting..." Dan says, trailing off. Phil fixes his round framed glasses awkwardly. 

"A man? It's okay, I get that a lot." Phil replies, a tiny smile on his face. Dan finds himself smiling back for some reason.

 

"Well, make yourself at home. You can put everything in the wardrobe and the dresser." Dan says, before letting out an awkward "right", and exiting the room. 

Dan finds Laura in the kitchen, still looking mildly confused. Dan shrugs at her, still surprised but it doesn't really matter to him.

"He wasn't what I was expecting." Laura says, leaning against the counter. Dan huffs out a laugh.

"Me neither. He seems nice, though." Dan replies. Laura hums thoughtfully. 

"He was kinda cute too." Laura says, pushing off from the counter and walking to the living room. Dan stares blankly after her, not sure how he feels about that statement. 

He sits down next to her on the couch, both of them watching TV but mostly listening to Phil rustle about in the other room, putting his things into the dresser and bedside tables. 

During dinner they ask Phil a few questions about himself and they find out that he's 26, older than both Dan and Laura, and that he was born in Lancashire, England but moved to the U.S. when he was very young. 

Phil keeps adjusting his glasses during dinner, almost like a nervous twitch. Dan has a strange urge to grab his wrist to get him to stop, so he just shoves more spaghetti in his mouth. 

After dinner, Dan helps Phil clean up, putting the leftovers in some Tupperware and putting plates in the sink. He leaves Phil to finish cleaning them, heading to the living room to read a book. 

Dan doesn't even realize that Phil is done washing up until he hears Phil's bedroom door open.

"Phil?" Dan calls. Laura looks at Dan, sort of pointedly but Dan can't tell. He decides to ignore it. There's a beat of silence before Dan hears Phil's door close, and mildly hurried footsteps come down the hall. 

"Yes, Mr. Howell?" Phil says, standing with his hands behind his back. Dan finds his posture amusing, so he smiles. 

"I thought I said you could call me Dan. You don't have to stay in your room all the time y'know?" Dan says. Phil shifts uncomfortably, glancing at the two pairs of eyes on him. 

"I know.. I'm just... tired from traveling is all." Phil says, giving them a tiny smile. He nods before dismissing himself and returning to his room. 

"He's kind of formal isn't he?" Dan asks, still smiling with amusement. Laura shrugs, looking back at the TV.

"I like it. I might have him keep calling me Mrs. Howell." Laura says, the amusement in her voice not matching her face. Dan tries not to read into it too much. 

Later on, they're getting ready for bed when Dan decides to pop his head into Phil's room. Phil's still awake, reading a book under his bedside lamplight. He starts when Dan enters, rubbing his eyes as if awakening from a dream. 

“Do you need me for something Mr. How- erm, Dan?" Phil asks, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

"Nope, just thought I'd say goodnight. Welcome to the Howell household, Phil." Dan says, smiling. Phil beams back at him.

"Thanks, Dan. Goodnight." he says, giving Dan one last tiny smile before going back to his book. 

Dan shuts Phil's door, heading down the hall to his and Laura's room. She has a towel wrapped around her head, and she's reading a magazine. 

"You seem to be getting along with Phil already. And you were complaining about answering the door." Laura says, smiling to herself. Dan lets out a breathy laugh, climbing into bed beside her. 

"Yeah. I think he'll warm up soon." Dan says, turning and shutting off his bedside lamp. Laura follows suit, removing the towel from her hair and setting her magazine on the nightstand. 

"Goodnight, Dan." Laura says, kissing him on the cheek. 

"Goodnight." Dan replies, feeling a strange buzz of excitement that makes it hard for him to sleep. 

 

****

 

Phil was expecting them to be surprised at his gender. It's extremely uncommon for males to be in Phil's line of work, yet here he is. Both Dan and Mrs. Howell are extremely young to have the kind of money they have, Phil notices.

Phil didn't want to be a housekeeper when he grew up. He wanted to be a weatherman, and he never really knew why. He ended up being a housekeeper because his family kicked him out, and this was the easiest thing to put an ad in the paper for. 

His family had told him they didn't want a faggot living under their roof, before kicking him to the curb. He won't tell Dan or Mrs. Howell any of this, not knowing what their mindset is. 

Dan seemed to warm up to him more than Mrs. Howell, but Phil doesn't want to read into that. Dan is very attractive, with full pink lips and a dimpled smile. Phil tries to ignore how adorable he found it when Dan awkwardly dismissed himself from Phil's room earlier. 

He also tries to ignore the fact that Dan went out of his way to say goodnight to him, and to make him feel included. No employer had ever done that before. 

Phil yawns, covering his mouth so as to not make so much noise. He takes his glasses off and sets them on the nightstand, shutting off his light and settling in under the covers. 

He sighs quietly, trying not to think of Dan's dimples or his hair that curls perfectly off of his temples. It's going to be a long contract. 

 

He gets up early the next morning to make breakfast for Dan and Mrs. Howell. Dan has work today but Laura is free, and Phil hopes that they warm up to each other more. 

Dan wakes up first, meandering into the kitchen sleepily. He rubs his eyes, and Phil tries not to stare at the strip of skin exposed underneath his nightshirt. 

"I knew I smelled bacon." Dan says, his voice gruff from sleep. Phil smiles at him, picking up a piece and offering it to him. Dan takes it delightedly, sitting down at the breakfast bar and munching on it. 

"Phil, you didn't have to do that." Laura says, having also entered the kitchen. Phil shrugs, pouring some whisked eggs into a pan. 

"S'okay. Thought I would to say thank you, for making me feel so included." he says with a smile, moving the eggs around in the pan. Mrs. Howell gives him a tiny smile in return, getting out plates for the three of them. 

Phil places the eggs and bacon onto the plates, Dan practically shoveling his down before rushing off to get ready for work. Laura raises her eyebrows at him. 

“He's never done that before." she says, taking a bite of eggs. Phil blinks at her, mildly confused at her tone. He takes a bite of his own eggs, and they continue eating in silence. 

"Okay, I'm off." Dan declares, rushing to the door and slipping on his shoes. He grabs his coat and briefcase, briefly looking around to see if he's forgotten anything. 

Laura stands from the breakfast bar and goes to give Dan a kiss on the cheek. He smiles down at her, before looking over her shoulder at Phil. 

“See you later, Phil!" he calls, slipping out of the front door. He hears Dan's car start and watches as it pulls out of the garage. 

"Are you finished with your breakfast, Mrs. Howell?" Phil asks politely. Laura looks over at him, a blank expression on her face. She nods once, before disappearing into her room. 

Phil sighs, cleaning up the three breakfast plates and washing them in the sink. When he's finished, he decides to use Laura's cold shoulder as an excuse to explore their home. 

It really is a ridiculous size for a pair of 22 year olds. With two spare bedrooms, a large living room area, state of the art kitchen, and a well kept swimming pool, this is a house Phil couldn't dream of at his age of 26. He makes a mental note to ask Dan what he does for a living. 

Phil goes back to his room to read some more of his book, and assumes Laura is still in her room. So much for warming up to each other, Phil thinks. 

He's tidying up the living room when he smells toast being made, and the grumble of his stomach has him hastily folding a throw before shoving it into a storage cabinet. 

When he enters the kitchen all he sees is a tomato sandwich on a plate with a glass of iced tea. He notices movement in the corner of his eye and sees Laura carrying her own tomato sandwich back to her room. 

Phil sighs for what seems like the 50th time today, and takes a bite of the sandwich. He hums approvingly, wanting to take Laura making lunch for him as a sign of acceptance. 

He cleans up his own plate before going to check if Laura wants him to take her plate as well. When he arrives at her door, he looks down to see an empty plate and glass at his feet. He picks them up and washes them as well, wondering what he's doing wrong. 

The rest of the day passes by with Phil randomly tidying as he sees fit, and not once does Laura leave her room. Phil returns to his room and plops down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking.

He listens as Dan's car rolls up the driveway, and as Laura's bedroom door opens. Phil leaves his room as well, and Laura stops when she sees him. He smiles at her, but he's met with a blank expression as she continues down the hallway. 

"I'm back!" Dan calls, the end of it muffled. Phil knows Laura kissed him, and he tries to ignore the tug in his chest as he steps into the foyer. 

"Hey, Phil. Hold down the fort okay?" Dan asks playfully, giving Phil a crooked smile as he slips his shoes off. 

"You two really have a beautiful home." Phil says. Dan beams up at him, Laura doesn't even look his way. 

“I walked around a bit when I had spare time, it really is a nice home." Phil continues. Dan's still smiling that dimpled smile. 

"Thanks Phi-" Dan begins before Laura cuts him off.

"I would really prefer if you didn't snoop around." she says. Phil raises an eyebrow at her before glancing at Dan. 

"I'm sure Phil wasn't snooping, he was just exploring. You didn't go in any of the rooms, did you Phil?" Dan says. Laura looks at Phil for the first time today. 

"Of course not." Phil replies. Dan makes a gesture at Laura as if to say "See?", before making his way to the couch. 

"I'll make dinner." Laura says, brushing past Phil coldly. Phil has to fight to keep from rolling his eyes. He sits down in the armchair opposite Dan, giving him a tiny smile when he looks up. 

"I wouldn't worry too much about Laura." Dan says. Phil almost jumps, startled as to how Dan knew what he was thinking about. 

 

"She takes a while to warm up to people, but she'll come around." he continues, giving Phil a reassuring smile. He claps Phil on the shoulder as he passes, retreating into the bedroom. 

Phil sets the table for them, and helps Laura serve the food. They have a quiet dinner, Dan asking about their day and vice versa. Phil cleans the table just like yesterday, and for the rest of the evening he relaxes in his room. 

Dan pops his head in to say goodnight again, flashing his white teeth in a wide grin. Phil smiles back, glad that at least Dan is warming up to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild homophobia in this chapter!

November, 1954

 

Phil is starting to wonder how long Dan meant by "a while" when he was talking about Laura warming up to him. It's been almost two months and Laura still scolds him for calling her anything but "Mrs. Howell". Practically the opposite has happened with Dan, though. 

He and Dan have become really fast friends, always joking around and talking about their interests. They're both fans of Frank Sinatra, and they'll end up singing his songs together while Phil tidies. They usually wait until Laura can't hear them, and then mischievously start singing like naughty class clowns in school.

Phil learns that Dan works at a law practice, which explains their large home. Phil can't really tell if Dan enjoys his job, as he usually changes the subject when Phil asks about it. Phil doesn't push, he just goes along with wherever Dan leads the conversation. 

"BOO!" Dan yells from behind him, clapping him on the shoulders. It breaks Phil from his thoughts, but it doesn't startle him. Dan doesn't exactly have a quiet tread. 

"Hello, Dan. You do know Halloween is over right?" Phil says, turning and smiling at him as he dumps the carved pumpkins into the trash. 

"That didn't scare you? Not even a little?" Dan asks, looking comically disappointed. 

"Not even a little." Phil repeats, giggling. He puts the lid back on the trash can before walking past Dan to go inside the house.

"Should I have worn my Dracula costume?" Dan asks, following him through the door. Phil turns and raises an eyebrow at him, biting his cheek to keep from smiling too much. 

"That would've just made it more adorable." Phil replies, sucking in a breath. He silently prays he didn't cross some sort of line. Dan just smiles back at him though, so he supposes he's safe. 

"If by adorable you mean 'huge doofus' then you'd be right." Dan replies, still smiling at Phil. Phil gives him a once over before walking further into the house. 

Phil's smile immediately drops off his face when he sees Laura in the kitchen, arms crossed and glaring at him. 

"I'm glad you two are having fun, it's not like these countertops need cleaning." she says, voice sickeningly sweet. Phil inwardly groans, before mumbling "sorry ma'am" under his breath. 

He grabs cleaning spray and a rag from underneath the kitchen sink, carefully positioning himself so that he doesn't bump into her. He gets to work immediately, and Laura, apparently satiated, leaves the kitchen before pulling Dan into their room. 

Phil watches them go with a sigh, nothing he does ever seems to be enough. He was going to clean the counters anyway after throwing away the pumpkins and taking down the decorations. He's washing the rag out when they finally come out of their room. 

Phil watches them expectantly, but Laura  
makes a beeline for the living room. Dan stops in front of the kitchen before saluting Phil. 

"Looks good, Philip. Swell job." he says, before also entering the living room. Phil smiles at him, putting the cleaning things away. He knows Laura pulled Dan in there to talk about him, but Dan doesn't seem to be acting any different. 

Phil soon joins them in the living room after he's put his pajama's on, curling up underneath a blanket. Dan smiles at him as he sits down, Laura's nose stays firmly planted in her book.

Dan stands up and walks to the record player, his back to Phil. Phil keeps his eyes firmly trained between Dan's shoulder blades, for fear of Laura seeing him glance lower. 

Phil's cheeks tug into a smile as the familiar chords of "Like Someone in Love" begin to flow throughout the living room. Laura seems to recognize the song as well, closing her book and retreating to her room. 

Dan watches her go, his eyebrows lowering. He shakes his head, looking down at his feet. When he looks back up at Phil, he has a mischievous smile on his face. 

"C'mon snake, let's rattle." he says in a low deep voice, holding out his hand. His cheeks are flushed prettily and it makes Phil's chest feel warm. 

Phil takes his hand, giggling, and they start to sway to the music. Phil tries to not pay attention to the lyrics so much, because if he does he'll let himself think Dan has any sort of feelings for him. 

Dan gives Phil a little twirl, and Phil bursts into laughter before slapping his hand over his mouth. Dan shushes him between giggles, and they continue to move and dance awkwardly. Phil steps on Dan's foot, and he immediately starts whispering sorry profusely as Dan quietly suffers. 

They're both in uncontrollable giggles by the end of the song, plopping down onto the couch side by side. Phil looks over at Dan, whose cheeks are still rosy and white teeth are still bared. Phil notices that Dan has freckles sprinkled across his nose, and it's doing nothing to help the feeling in Phil's chest right now. 

"Well, we should probably get to bed." Dan says, sounding mildly disappointed. Phil nods solemnly, not wanting to stand up first. He does anyway, telling Dan goodnight and retreating into his room. He gets into bed, and absolutely does not think about what just happened in the living room. 

 

****

 

Dan really can't figure out what Laura's problem is. She hasn't warmed up to Phil at all, and seems angry when he and Phil interact or joke around. 

Dan tried not to notice the panic cross Phil's face as Laura pulled him into their bedroom that day. He didn't want Phil to think they were getting rid of him.

"What?" Dan asks as Laura shuts the door behind them. She huffs out a breath and stares at him as if he should know. 

"You and Phil seem to be getting along well." Laura remarks. Here we go. 

"Yeah. He's a nice guy. We have similar senses of humor." Dan says, keeping his responses simple. 

"He's the housekeeper, Dan." she replies, voice devoid of emotion. Dan blinks at her. 

"He's also a person, Laura. It doesn't hurt to be nice to people." Dan says, keeping his voice level. Despite how much money he makes, he never thinks of himself as above others. 

"He's hired help." she mutters. Dan feels himself getting angry. 

"Why do you think you're so above him? You do the least work out of anyone in this house, including Phil." he says, trying to keep his voice down. Laura recoils slightly.

"You're defending him.." she says with a scoff. Dan rolls his eyes exasperatedly, flinging his arms out to the side.

"You're in the wrong here! Are you jealous or something?" Dan says. Laura rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue. 

"Jealous of what, Dan? Unless there's something you need to tell me.." she replies. She's absolutely frosted. Dan stands there, astonished; his own wife just accused him of being gay. 

"I'm going to go back in the living room, if you'd like to join." Dan says. Laura leaves the room first. Dan sighs as he leaves the room, but puts on a smile for Phil. 

Dan dances with Phil after Laura storms off to bed, and he feels the happiest he's been in a while. He doesn't remember dancing with Laura feeling like that. 

It makes him think back to Laura's comment in their bedroom, and it makes his stomach twist. It haunts him as he looks at Phil's round clear eyes and his fare skin flushed pink. Phil stands up first, telling Dan goodnight. 

Dan splashes water on his face after he brushes his teeth, trying to get her words to stop replaying in his head. He's not a queer. He's not gay. He has a wife for Pete's sake. He's just fond of Phil as a friend, a close pal. That has to be it. 

If Phil's eyes looked pretty and blue, that's not Dan's problem; they were objectively very pretty. That doesn't mean he's queer. He clears his mind in order to sleep, and listens as Laura pretends to be asleep. 

 

****

 

Dan wakes up Thanksgiving Day to a whole lot of commotion. He gets up to investigate the noises, and finds Phil rushing about the house cleaning and checking to see if Laura needs any help with the food she's making. 

Dan watches as he reorganizes and dusts the things on the mantelpiece, almost dropping a ceramic rooster on the floor. Dan decides to walk up to him, wondering why he looks so frantic. 

"Hey Phil-" Dan begins, but he's interrupted by a squawk from Phil, who jumps out of his skin. 

"Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Dan says, trying not to laugh. The noise was really quite funny. Phil places whatever he was wiping back on the mantel. 

"You okay?" Dan asks, placing a hand on Phil's shoulder. Phil's ears turn pink and he adjusts his glasses. 

"I just want everything to be perfect before your families come and I feel like there's not enough time to do everything." Phil says, letting out a breath. Dan looks around at the spotless house, confused as to what Phil still has to clean. 

"The house looks great, Phil. Why don't you go take a break? They're not coming over til six anyw- wait, how long have you been up?" Dan says, realizing it's only 9:30. Phil looks down at his feet. 

"I heard Laura wake up at around 6:30 so I woke up too." he explains. Dan's eyes widen. He and Phil had been up quite late talking, which is something they've taken to. Laura goes to sleep early, so they take advantage of that time to be friendly with each other. 

"Phil, seriously, go take a nap or something. Catch a few winks before everyone comes over." Dan says. He looks over at Laura, who's smiling to herself, seemingly pleased at how tired and panicked Phil is. 

"Are you sure?" Phil asks. He glances briefly at Laura, almost too quick for Dan to notice. But he does notice, and it makes him angry. 

"Yes, Phil. Get some rest." he says, patting Phil's shoulder. Phil gives him a tiny smile before retreating to his room. 

"So we're depriving him of sleep now?" Dan asks once he knows Phil is out of earshot. 

"It's not my fault you two stay up so late." Laura responds, stirring something on the stove. Dan glares at the back of her head.

"Our families aren't coming until after seven. He would've had time to clean and get enough sleep." Dan says, his voice wavering. Laura does that clicking noise.

"He's sleeping now." she says. Dan groans aloud. 

"The point just went right over your head, didn't it?" he says. She stays silent as Dan storms out of the kitchen. Dan passes the glass doors to the backyard, and stops to look at the pool. It needs a skim and for the tarp to be put over it. Dan quickly realizes what to do with his morning. 

He puts on a pair of sneakers and heads outside to skim the pool. There's a lot of leaves in the pool from the trees shedding, and Dan realizes they should have put the tarp over it much earlier. 

He fits the tarp over the pool once he's done skimming, wiping his forehead and admiring his work. He heads back inside, and nearly runs smack into Phil who looks like he's about to do what Dan just finished. 

"Dan, what, you-" Phil stammers, looking over Dan's shoulder at the tarp covered pool. Dan raises an eyebrow at him. 

"I thought I told you to get some rest, Phil." Dan says, trying and failing to sound stern. The look on Phil's face is quite amusing. 

"Couldn't sleep." Phil explains, giving Dan a wide smile. So they end up standing there, inches apart and smiling like idiots. 

"Um, I guess I'm gonna go read.. or something." Phil says, turning to go back to his room. Seemingly against his will, Dan's hand reaches out to grab Phil's. Phil briefly tenses up before relaxing and looking back at Dan. 

"I want to show you something." Dan says, leading Phil by the hand upstairs. He stops in front of a door, with Phil standing by looking confused. 

Dan opens the door with a proud smile, watching as Phil's eyes widen in awe. Phil lets go of Dan's hand and steps into the room, and Dan refuses to feel like he wants Phil's hand back. 

"Wow" Phil breathes. Dan made a last minute decision to show Phil the game room, not wanting Phil to go be alone in his room again.

Phil runs his fingers along the green fabric of the billiard's table, before pausing at the pinball machine. Dan watches as Phil smiles to himself, his face lit up by the neon lights of the machine. 

"You can hang out up here if you want, y'know if you don't want to just sit in your room." Dan says. Phil beams at him before looking around the room, still seemingly in awe. 

"None of my previous bosses have ever done anything this nice for me." Phil says. Dan smiles at him. 

"I'm more than your boss, right? I think we can at least say we're friends." Dan says, clapping Phil on the shoulder as they leave the room. Phil chews on his cheek like he's trying not to smile too big, which makes Dan grin despite himself. 

 

****

 

Phil puts on one of his nicer outfits for Thanksgiving dinner, wanting to look nice for Dan and Laura's parents. Dan gives him a thumbs up and clicks his teeth when Phil steps into the living room, which has Phil smiling ear to ear.

He's setting the table when Dan's parents arrive. They're both a lot like Dan, friendly if not a little awkward. They have the same reaction to him being a man as Dan and Laura did, but he doesn't mind. 

"It's good to meet you, Phil." Dan's father says, giving Phil a firm handshake. 

"It's good to meet you too." Phil replies with a polite smile. He shakes Dan's mother's hand as well. 

Laura's family arrives shortly after, and they're nothing like her. They're genuine and friendly, and spend most of their first moments in the house asking Phil about his life. Laura looks completely beside herself. 

Once Phil's helped put all of the food on the table, he begins to quietly retreat to his room. He's interrupted by Dan's voice calling his name.

"Wait, Phil. You're not eating with us?" he asks, and he sounds so earnest it makes Phil's chest hurt. 

"I, um, I didn't know I-" Phil stammers. None of the other people he's worked for have asked him to stay for dinner, let alone Thanksgiving. 

"Yes, Phil! We want to get to know you better." Dan's mother chimes in. Dan beams at her before turning back to Phil. Laura stares at her plate. 

"Okay." Phil mumbles, smiling sheepishly at them all. Dan gets another chair and places it beside him, while Phil gets another plate and set of silverware. 

Dan and Laura's families ask him all the same questions Dan and Laura first asked him. When they ask how he became a housekeeper, he keeps it vague. He tells them he had a falling out with his family, and chooses to ignore the furrowed brow from Dan. 

After dinner, Phil stays behind to clean up everything while everyone else catches up in the living room. Phil hears Laura laugh for one of the first times since he's been here, and it's a nice sound. Pretty and light, but she never does it in Phil's presence. Dan is laughing too, but Phil's heard that many times (it's also a nice sound). 

Phil is putting plates in the dishwasher when he hears someone enter the kitchen. He turns to find Dan standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. 

"I didn't know you had a falling out with your family." he says. He sounds concerned and genuinely interested. Phil smiles sadly at him.

"Yeah, it's not a particularly fun story to retell." he says. Dan's brows knit together again. And he's frowning. Phil hates it when he frowns.

"I'll tell you about it sometime, okay?" Phil says. Dan looks up at him and nods. Phil gives him another tiny smile. 

He gets the two pies out of the fridge and places them on the table, along with some desert plates and some forks. He walks over to Dan and rubs his thumb over the crease in Dan's brow. Dan smiles at him, which is a relief compared to his frown.

"Um, there's pie in the kitchen, if you all want some." Phil says, poking his head into the living room. Everyone stands eagerly, except for Laura. She's the last one out of the living room, following her parents. 

As Phil passes the kitchen to get to his room, Dan tries to smile at him around a mouthful of apple pie, and manages to dribble some onto his shirt. Phil laughs behind his hand, shaking his head and continuing to his room. 

All in all, it was a pretty nice night. Both of their parents are wonderful, and Laura kept her eye rolling and passive aggressive attitude to a minimum. Phil tries not to think about how Dan sounded when he asked Phil to come sit and eat with them. He doesn't want to try and read into the earnestness in his voice. 

He listens as two cars pull out of the driveway a while later, and beams at Dan when he comes to tell Phil good night. They seem to have both silently decided that they need an early night tonight, and Phil is grateful for it. He slides under the covers, smiling to himself as he falls asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next chapter are going to be kind of short, but i felt as if they were more effective that way! Hope you guys enjoy :)

December 25, 1954

 

"Phil! Philllll! Time to wake up Phillll." Dan sing songs in Phil's ear. Phil groans, trying to pull the covers back over his head. 

"C'monnnn! Don't you know what day it is?" Dan says, crouching down so he's level with Phil's face. He gently lifts the covers away as Phil watches him with one eye open. 

"I do." Phil says, sitting up and reaching for his glasses. Their hands brush together as Phil positions himself, shoving his glasses on with one hand. He looks down at Dan with his eyebrows raised, almost as if he's waiting for Dan to say something else. Dan stands up abruptly, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Aren't you excited?" Dan asks, brows furrowing. Phil looks him up and down, seeming a mixture of amused and bewildered. 

“I guess.” Phil replies, standing up from the bed. Dan steps back a bit as Phil slides past him. 

“I’m gonna go see if Laura needs help with preparing anything.” Phil says as he walks out, leaving Dan staring after him. Did he say something wrong? 

Dan walks out into the kitchen to find Phil putting the ham in the oven, oven mitts covering his hands. He slips them off and jumps at the sight of Dan, making Dan smile a little. 

“Didn’t hear you come in.” Phil explains. He hangs the oven mitts back up on their hook. 

“Don’t you like Christmas, Phil?” Dan asks. Phil looks at him and sighs. 

“I used to. And it’s not that I hate it, I’m just... indifferent to it, I guess.” he replies, slipping past Dan and into the living room. 

He begins folding blankets and putting them away, apparently done talking about his feelings for Christmas. Dan frowns, wondering why Phil seems so resigned today. 

“Dan!!” Laura calls, and Dan gives Phil a tiny smile. Phil returns it, continuing to tidy up the living room. 

“Yes?” Dan says, entering their bedroom. He watches as Laura begins to stack various presents and lift them up. 

“Can you help me bring these presents under the tree?” she asks. Dan grabs the stack from her and brings them out to the living room. The presents are for their friends coming over later, and for their parents. 

Dan can feel Phil’s eyes on him as he places the presents under the tree. Apparently, Laura can see Phil looking at Dan as well, as her face morphs into a deep frown. 

“Phil, why don’t you work on cleaning up the game room?” Laura says, her tone icy. Phil puts down whatever he’s doing and goes upstairs. 

“What was that for?” Dan asks, standing up and raising his eyebrows at her. She bends down to put more presents under the tree, seemingly refusing to answer. Dan groans, walking back into the room to get the rest of the presents. 

 

Like Phil told Dan, it’s not that he hates Christmas. He’s just grown indifferent to it over the years. He hasn’t gotten a Christmas present since he was about 18, so what’s the point of getting excited? 

Phil walks into the game room, after having been dismissed by Laura, to find it mostly spotless. He dusts down the pinball machines before plopping down in one of the arm chairs and closing his eyes. 

Dan and Laura have some of their friends coming over later as well as their parents. From what Phil gathered, they’re Dan’s friends from college, and they meet up at Christmas every year. 

He does some organizing of the magazines before heading downstairs and asking Laura if there’s anything else she needs him to do. 

“I think we’re good, Phil.” Dan answers for her, so Phil smiles and heads to his room for a quick nap. 

 

Phil gets dressed for dinner, helping Laura set the table and get all of the food out. Guests start arriving slowly, introducing themselves to Phil. 

“Nice to meet you, Phil! I’m PJ, and this is my wife Sophie.” PJ says, giving Phil’s hand a warm shake. Phil shakes Sophie’s hand as well. 

“Nice to meet you both. How do you know Dan and Laura?” Phil asks. 

“Oh, I met Dan at college. We were in the same art class. He was taking it as an elective but I was actually majoring in art.” PJ explains. 

“PJ wants to be an animator.” Sophie says. Phil’s eyes widen in interest. 

“An animator? Like Walt Disney?” Phil asks. He has a secret love for Disney films. 

“Exactly! Except, I dunno if I’ll ever be as famous as him.” PJ says, laughing and scratching the back of his head. Phil decides that he likes PJ, and hopes that Dan and Laura invite him and Sophie around more often. 

A few other people introduce themselves as well: Mark, who’s tall and has a very deep voice, and his wife Amy, as well as a young man named Anthony, who strangely looks a lot like Dan. 

Phil begins to sit down at the table, before stopping and glancing at Laura. She’s giving him a challenging stare, but then Anthony pipes up. 

“Oh, good Phil! I was hoping you’d be eating with us.” Anthony says, beaming at Phil. Phil smiles back and looks at Dan, who’s wearing a matching grin. Laura looks down at her lap.

Despite Laura dampening Phil’s mood, the dinner is actually quite fun. All of Dan’s friends are very nice and include Phil in conversation. Phil stays behind in the dining room to clean up everything while they exchange gifts. Eventually, after a round of billiards, all of them file out of the door and into their cars. 

“Nice seeing you, Phil.” PJ says, shaking Phil’s hand. Sophie gives him a little wave. Mark and Anthony follow suit, shaking Phil’s hand as they leave. 

“I think I’m gonna head to bed.” Laura says, shuffling out of the room. Dan leans to peek into the hallway, waiting until she shuts the door. He then reaches way behind the Christmas tree and pulls out a small present, wrapped in a bow. He extends the present out to Phil. 

“Dan.. you didn’t have to-“ Phil starts, Dan shoving the present into his hands.

“I know I didn’t. I wanted to.” he replies. Phil smiles at him before opening the present. He pulls back the paper, revealing an anthology of H.P. Lovecraft tales. 

“I remember you saying that you liked creepy and scary stuff so I thought-“ Dan begins explaining, but he’s cut off by Phil pulling him into a tight hug. He tenses up a bit in Phil’s arms, but quickly begins hugging back. 

“Dan, you could’ve gotten me a pet rock and I would be happy. Nobody else I’ve worked for ever gave me something for Christmas.” Phil says, pulling away from the hug. 

“Well, I’m honored to be the first, I guess.” Dan says, laughing sheepishly. He claps Phil on the shoulder. 

“Merry Christmas, Phil.” Dan says, his cheeks flushed that pretty shade of pink. Phil looks him up and down, smiling so big his cheeks hurt. He starts walking backwards towards his room. 

“Merry Christmas, Dan.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter’s a short one again! next one is longer though i promise :)

New Year’s Eve, 1954 

 

PJ and Sophie come over for New Year’s Eve, much to Phil’s delight. Dan doesn’t want to admit that he noticed how much Phil liked PJ and Sophie, and he doesn’t want to admit that’s part of the reason he asked them to come by. Dan almost regrets it when PJ beats him at billiards once again. 

“How?!” Dan whines, collapsing dramatically onto the pool table. Phil and Sophie giggle from their spots on the armchairs. Laura is downstairs by herself, for some reason. 

“Sorry, Danny. I just have a natural affinity for putting balls in holes.” PJ says. An immediate look of regret flashes over his face at Dan’s quirked eyebrow, and Sophie’s face flushes red. 

“Might not wanna say that with your wife in the room.” Dan says, walking over and taking PJ’s cue and hanging both of them on the wall. 

“Are you any good at billiards Phil?” PJ asks. Dan looks over at Phil, waiting for his response. 

“No, not really. My dad tried to teach me once but I was hopeless.” Phil replies. PJ laughs, but Dan watches him carefully. Phil never brings up his family. 

“Maybe he just wasn’t a good teacher.” Dan says. Phil shrugs, looking down at his hands. Dan gnaws at his cheek, thinking. 

“I could try and teach you.” Dan says. PJ scoffs, causing Phil to break out in a grin. 

“Are you sure?” Phil says, one eyebrow raised. Dan rolls his eyes in feign annoyance, but his smile ruins it. 

“Yes, Lester. I’m actually pretty good, PJ’s just... inhuman.” Dan explains. Phil and Sophie exchange a look. 

“Do you want me to teach you or not?” Dan says. Phil holds his hands up in surrender, walking over to the billiards table. Dan hands him a cue and sets the balls up. 

“First I’m gonna teach you how to hold your stick.” Dan says. PJ laughs from across the room. 

“That was worse than mine, I think.” PJ says. Dan flips him off before continuing to show Phil how to properly hold the cue stick and hit the cue ball. Phil attempts to do it himself after watching Dan, but fails miserably. 

“See? I told you. Hopeless.” Phil says, going to hang the cue stick back up. Dan grabs on to his sleeve, pulling him back over to the table. 

“We’re not done yet, Phil.” he says. Phil rolls his eyes and watches Dan do it again. Phil tries again, and fails again. 

“Maybe he just isn’t a good teacher.” PJ chimes in, mimicking Dan’s words from earlier. 

“PJ you’re really not helping.” Dan replies. Everyone except Dan quietly giggles. 

“Actually, I think me and Sophie are gonna head out” PJ says, standing and stretching. Sophie follows suit.

“Let me walk you guys out.” Dan says, following them to the door. 

“Bye, Phil!” PJ says, Sophie giving him a wave as they leave. 

Dan sees them to the door, and waves to them as they pull out of the driveway. Dan checks his watch, only 11:00. He looks around the house for Laura, assuming she must be in their room. Dan doesn’t even bother trying to get her out, since she’s deciding to protest any festivities involving Phil. 

When Dan walks back up to the game room, Phil is quietly turning the cur over in his hand. Dan watches as he tries to get a ball in, and misses completely.

“Still want me to teach you?” Dan says. Phil looks over at him and smiles. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” Phil says. Dan has him do it again, trying to notice anything wrong about his positioning. 

“Ah, I see. You’re right handed, right? You shouldn’t be doing it the left handed way.” Dan says. Phil rolls his eyes. 

“I was just copying you.” he says, pouting. Dan quickly pulls his gaze up from Phil’s lips and walks over to the table. 

“Here, try it like this.” Dan says, coming up behind Phil and moving Phil’s hands to the right position. Dan notices how Phil’s ears turn bright pink, making him smile to himself. Phil tries again, and actually sinks one.

“YES!” Phil shouts, immediately clasping a hand over his mouth. They both stare at each other in silence before bursting out into laughter. 

“I’ve never seen someone that excited over billiards before.” Dan says, genuinely amused. Phil keeps giggling to himself.

“What time is it?” Phil asks. Dan checks his watch. 

“11:30. Wanna go down and watch the ball drop?” Dan asks. Phil nods, putting his stick back on the wall. 

 

Dan pours them both some champagne and sits down on the couch next to Phil. Still 20 minutes until 1955. Dan wonders if Laura will at least come out and watch the ball drop. 

“I never told you about why me and my family had a falling out.” Phil says suddenly. Dan looks over at him, brows knitted. 

“I should’ve known better. I should’ve known not to..” Phil begins, but then his eyes begin watering. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

“My parents came home one day, and they walked into my bedroom. Mind you, my parents are very conservative. They walked into my bedroom, and saw me and my boyfriend..” Phil says, pausing again. Dan continues listening, a strange anger bubbling in his stomach. 

“My dad pulled my boyfriend out of my bed and dragged him out of the house. He came back and did the same with me. My boyfriend ran back home, but I was left with nowhere to go. I ended up staying at a friend’s place, and the next day put an ad in the paper for my housekeeping services. And I’ve been doing that ever since.” Phil says, letting out a breath. Dan pulls Phil in for a hug, Phil letting a few quiet tears roll down his face and onto Dan’s shirt. 

“You know I don’t care about.. any of that, right? You’re still my friend. You’re still Phil.” Dan says, patting Phil’s back. Phil nods against his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” Phil murmurs, still limp in Dan’s arms. 5 minutes until 1955. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Dan says. Phil lifts his head up from Dan’s shoulder, the whites of his eyes pink from crying. His eyelashes are wet and clumped together and he’s so close that Dan’s brain goes foggy. 

“How many more minutes?” Phil asks. Dan glances over at the TV. 

“Two.” Dan gets out. Phil rests his head back on Dan’s shoulder. They listen as the TV host starts counting down. 

“59, 58, 57, 56...”. Phil glances up at Dan, giving him a tiny smile. Dan smiles back. 

“30, 29, 28, 27...”. Phil looks behind Dan, at the hallway and at their bedroom door. Dan glances too. 

“15, 14, 13, 12...” Dan looks back at Phil. His cheeks and nose are pink, and he’s so close Dan can feel his breath on his face. 

“4, 3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!!”. Phil gets impossibly closer, his lips ghosting over Dan’s.

“Happy New Year, Dan.” Phil says, closing the gap and kissing Dan, slow and sweet. Dan’s hands rest on Phil’s waist, and when they pull apart they’re both gasping for breath. Dan worries his cheek, looking at Phil’s white smile and bright eyes and he can’t. Phil is too much right now. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan says, sitting up and almost headbutting Phil. He’s not gay. He’s not. Laura’s comment from months ago is just getting to his head, and Phil just needed support and Phil was the one who kissed him anyway. 

“Good night, Phil.” he mutters, scurrying off to his room. He avoids Phil’s eyes, knowing the hurt that must now reflect in them. He fights back tears and quickly gets ready for bed. He kisses Laura goodnight, and feels her smile under it. 

This. This is how he needs to be from now on. He’s not gay. He and Phil just need to be friends, and that’s it. This is good. This is how it should be, is what Dan tells himself, when doubt and guilt is gnawing at his ribs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut anyone????  
> disclaimer: the characters in this fic don’t wear condoms bc it’s the 1950s and it wasn’t common knowledge to wear condoms especially for gay men but yeah what i’m trying to say is don’t follow what they do and wear a condom okay

April, 1955: 

 

Dan and Phil have come to an agreement over the past few months. They went back to the way they were when Phil first got here: friends, but that’s it. They don’t stay up late anymore, but Dan still wishes Phil goodnight. Laura seems more welcoming of Phil now, and Dan knows it’s because he’s being less friendly with Phil. He almost hates that, but he assures himself this is how it has to be. 

Earlier in the day, Laura asked him to work on the car, and he agreed, despite knowing next to nothing about cars. He feels like it’ll keep him busy, and away from Phil. 

Dan curses under his breath, the car making a pathetic puttering noise every time he tries to start it. He tries one last time, before giving up and stepping out of the car. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees Phil standing in the doorway of the garage, a tray with two glasses of lemonade in hand. 

"Cripes, Phil. You scared the bejesus out of me." Dan says, one hand over his chest. So much for staying away from Phil. Phil smiles, looking mildly proud of himself. 

"Sorry, I was making lemonade for Laura right as she told me she decided to head off to the movies with some friends. So, I thought I'd see if you wanted some." Phil explains, holding the tray forward. 

"Oh. Sure, thanks." Dan says, walking over and taking one of the glasses. He takes a gulp, and then raises his eyebrows in surprise. Laura’s lemonade is good, but Phil's is otherworldly.

"Wow..." Dan breathes, making Phil giggle shyly. Dan smiles at him, watching his ears turn pink at the tips like on New Year’s Eve. Phil sets the tray down on the work bench and takes his own glass of lemonade.

“Is everything okay in here?" Phil asks, taking a sip. Dan tries not to stare at Phil's tongue peeking out and licking his lips. Not gay. 

"Yeah, um. The car's not starting and I promised Laura I'd take a look at it. Truth is, I'm not very good with cars." Dan says. Phil moves his eyes away from Dan to look at the car. 

"I could take a look at it for you." Phil says, already setting down his lemonade before Dan can protest. Phil walks around to the front of the car and lifts the hood. 

"Oh, this should be an easy fix!" Phil says happily, before proceeding to talk about car parts, all of which frankly sounds like Chinese to Dan. 

Dan lets Phil get to work, taking a seat on the workbench and sipping some lemonade. Phil occasionally asks for certain things he needs or simply gestures for his lemonade, and Dan brings them to him. 

"Alright, I think that should be it." Phil states, closing the hood. Dan sits on the hood next to where Phil is standing. 

"Um, you've got a little-" Dan says, gesturing at his face. Phil realizes what Dan is trying to say, pulling the bottom of his shirt up to wipe at the spot of grease on his forehead, exposing his torso. 

Dan tries to stop staring before Phil notices, but it's too late. When Dan looks up, Phil is smirking. Phil slides himself into the space between Dan's knees, looking absolutely giddy. 

Phil leans forward, ghosting his lips along Dan's jawline. Dan finds himself latching onto Phil's forearm. 

"Phil-“ Dan chokes out, Phil snapping his head up, staring at Dan intensely. Their lips are centimeters apart, and it takes everything Dan has not to make the first move. He could almost cry from relief, he doesn’t want to repress anymore. 

Phil closes the space, kissing Dan slowly and sweetly despite the growing tent in his pants. Dan grabs fistfuls of Phil's shirt and his hair, trying to pull him even closer. 

Phil pushes Dan back against the hood, kissing along his neck. Dan lets out a tiny moan, wrapping his legs around Phil's waist. 

"Ever since I saw you, I've wanted you just like this." Phil says, coming back up to kiss Dan's lips. He take Dan's bottom lip between his teeth and lets it go with a pop. 

Dan pulls at the hem of Phil's shirt, and Phil pulls it off in one swift motion. Dan takes his own shirt off as well, before letting himself get pushed back against the hood. He splays his hands across Phil's stomach and chest, wanting to touch every square inch of him. 

Dan stops when Phil starts kissing his neck again, traveling down to his chest and his stomach. He kisses Dan's hipbone, sucking a bruise into the spot. 

Then, like something out of a centerfold, Phil undoes Dan's belt and has his pants around his ankles in less than a second. 

Dan props himself up on his elbows, wanting to see what Phil's doing. Phil continues bring his kisses closer and closer to the band of Dan's briefs. He takes the elastic band of the briefs between his teeth and snaps it against Dan's belly. 

"Oh my god, can you just hurry up." Dan groans, grabbing onto Phil's hair. 

Phil quickly pulls Dan's boxers down as well, before taking Dan down in one smooth motion. Dan groans, his hips bucking up from the hood of the car. Phil massages his thigh to get him to relax. 

Phil hollows out his cheeks and hums, eliciting another loud moan from Dan. Phil has evidently done this many times before, but Dan can't find it in him to feel jealous or sad. 

"Wait- stop." Dan says. Phil slowly pulls off, giving Dan a confused look. 

"Is something wrong?" Phil asks, sounding breathless and hoarse. 

"I want you to, um." Dan mumbles, not really sure what he wants. Phil raises his eyebrows, apparently able to fill in the blanks. 

"This is your first time, like this anyway?" Phil asks. Dan nods. Phil leans down and kisses along Dan's left thigh, using his hand to massage his right. 

Dan cries out suddenly at the feeling of Phil's two fingers inside of him, twisting and curling against, something. He didn’t know there was anything in there that could make him feel like that. His back arches, and Phil kisses him sloppily. 

"Tell me if you're ready." Phil says, looking up at Dan, his pupils blown wide. Dan nods slowly. 

Phil undoes his pants and pulls his boxers down, lining up with Dan's hole. He slowly enters, Dan digging his nails into Phil's shoulder. Phil groans loudly, falling down to his elbow against the hood.  
"Are you okay?" Phil asks, his voice shaky. 

"Move." Dan gets out, his toes curling. 

Phil slowly pulls out, and then thrusts back in, Dan sliding up the hood of the car. He does that a few more times, Dan letting out little noises of pleasure. 

Phil pulls out quickly causing Dan to cry out, before coming on the hood of the car. Dan comes at the same time, releasing all over his stomach. Both of them are quiet, simply breathing and coming down from their orgasm. 

"Are you okay?" Phil asks again, pulling up his boxers and jeans. Dan nods, slowly getting up from the hood. He's a little sore, but otherwise he's fine. More than fine. 

“Just friends huh?” Phil says, scoffing. Dan rolls his eyes, an empty feeling in his stomach. 

He pulls up his pants and goes to retrieve his shirt. He feels Phil's eyes watching him bend down, and he doesn’t know how to feel. 

"Laura should be back from the movies soon." Dan says, trying and failing to keep his voice even. Phil's giving him a strange look. 

"Are we gonna talk about this?" Phil asks. Dan sighs, not wanting to think about the implications of what just happened. He can't be gay, and he can't do this with Phil, but if Dan’s being honest, the past few months have been miserable. 

"I don't know. Not right now." Dan replies. Phil stays silent, taking another rag and wiping the hood of the car off. Dan watches him, wanting to fill the silence but not knowing what to say. Instead, he takes the two half full glasses and the tray as he leaves Phil in the garage. 

He puts the glasses in the sink, and puts the tray back in the cupboard. He glances at the clock, Laura should be home in around 10 minutes. Phil walks past him in the kitchen, not saying a word. It's as if nothing ever happened, and Dan doesn't know how to feel about that. 

Dan rinses out the glasses of lemonade, placing them in the dishwasher for later. He splashes some water on his face, suddenly feeling anxious. 

He's not gay, he loves his wife. He doesn't want to ruin what they have. None of this explains what he feels towards Phil however, and it doesn't take away from the fact that he liked what they did in the garage, or what they did on New Year’s eve. He's probably just sexually frustrated, considering Dan can't remember the last time he and Laura did... anything. 

Dan is ripped away from his thoughts as Laura comes through the front door. She walks up to Dan and kisses him on the cheek. 

"How was the movie?" Dan asks, not quite meeting her eyes.

"It was good, strange ending though." she pauses before continuing, "Your cheeks are kind of red, are you coming down with something?" 

She presses a hand to his forehead. Dan catches Phil out of the corner of his eye. He's smirking to himself, that bastard. 

"Hm? Oh no, I was working on the car like you asked. Or, well, Phil was working on the car." Dan replies. Not a total lie. Laura turns around and beams at Phil. 

"You're good with cars, Phil?" Laura asks. Phil looks mildly like a cornered animal. 

"I guess so. Much better than him anyway." Phil says. Dan can tell he's trying to sound normal, trying to recreate their normal banter. Dan laughs, but it sounds forced, just like how Phil's smile looks right now. 

"Thanks for helping Phil." Laura says, smiling at Phil for Dan’s benefit as she passes to go to the bedroom. Dan stands in the kitchen a beat longer. He makes eye contact with Phil, before looking away and following Laura into the bedroom. 

 

Phil paces around his room, feeling giddy and angry and hurt all at once. He can’t believe he just did that. He runs a hand through his hair, still pacing wildly. 

He’s giddy because, well, of what happened in the garage. He never thought he would get the chance, especially with how Dan’s been acting the past few months. 

And then Phil is reminded of his anger, how Dan is so open and wanting one moment and then cold and dismissive in the next. Phil wants to know what Dan wants, wants to know what Dan is doing. 

Then there’s hurt. Phil knows Dan is married to a woman, but why does Dan act like he wants him so much? Why does Dan go pliant under Phil’s arms and exhale with so much relief? He doesn’t know what to think or what to do. If Dan was going to cheat on his wife, he should just decide and stop looking so damn guilty and disgusted after Phil touches him. 

There’s a knock at his door, and Phil stops his pacing. He takes a deep breath to calm his voice. 

“Come in!” Phil calls. He watches as Dan comes into the room and shuts the door behind him. 

“Laura’s going on a girls vacation in June.” Dan says. Phil can’t help but to let out a slightly hysterical laugh. 

“Dan, less than 20 minutes ago you looked disgusted with yourself and ran away from me in the garage.” Phil says, fixing his glasses. Dan flinches at Phil’s words. 

“I know. I know. I’m sorry but... I can’t keep pretending anymore.” he says quietly. Phil gives him a once over. 

“If this is what you’re deciding, then you need to stick with it. I don’t want to be treated like a cheap whore.” Phil says, surprised at the conviction in his own voice. 

“Is it bad that I don’t feel guilty about Laura?” Dan says, looking Phil in the eyes. Phil doesn’t have an answer to that. They’re silent for a few moments. 

“You’ll still technically be pretending. Just.. not to yourself, I guess.” Phil says. Dan sighs, leaning against the door. 

“I know. I’ll have to talk to Laura eventually. We haven’t had the best marriage anyway and she’ll probably be happy to get a chunk of my money.” Dan says. Phil sighs, sitting down on his bed. 

“We’ll figure it out.” Phil says, giving Dan a half hearted smile. He feels very tired all of a sudden. 

“Yeah. We will.” Dan says, smiling at Phil, he goes to leave the room before turning back to Phil.  
“See you at dinner, Phil.” Dan says, “and maybe after dinner.” he adds. Phil smiles at him.  
“Okay.” Phil replies. Dan shuts the door behind him as he leaves, and Phil lays down on his bed, feeling even more confused than before.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys ! sorry i’ve been taking so long to update :( i’ve just been really busy with school and the holidays and such. i’ve been reading your comments and i really appreciate them !! y’all are so nice lol. anyway enjoy some more smut :)))

June, 1955 

 

Dan closes the door on Laura and her friend, watching out of the window as her friend’s car pulls out of the driveway. Dan smiles to himself in excitement, walking to Phil’s room and quietly entering. 

He’s gotten a lot of practice at being quiet and stealthy over the past few months, he and Phil hiding in plain sight. It doesn’t help that Laura goes to bed much earlier than them, which means a lot of making out on the couch with Frank Sinatra playing in the background. 

Dan climbs his way under Phil’s covers, wrapping an arm around Phil’s waist. He tentatively kisses the back of Phil’s neck, unsure if boys like that or not. Normal kissing is basically the same as girls, but otherwise Dan is completely out of his element. Phil lets out a quiet sigh, which boosts some of Dan’s confidence. 

“Phiiiilll.” Dan whispers. Phil huffs in response. Dan slips his hand underneath Phil’s bed shirt to rest on his tummy. Phil’s stomach jumps briefly under Dan’s fingers.

“Laura just left with her friend.” Dan says, raking Phil’s shirt up. Phil’s breathing is still even and slow.

“Are you actually asleep right now?” Dan asks in his normal voice, propping himself up on his elbow. Phil lets out a little giggle.

“No, but I was expecting you to stick your hand down my pants to wake me up.” Phil replies, flipping onto his back and looking up at Dan. Dan can feel his face get hot. 

“Relax, Dan I’m kidding.” Phil says, sitting up and reaching for his glasses, “unless you want to stick your hand down my pants.” 

“Wouldn’t exactly know where to go from there if I did.” Dan replies. Phil props himself up on his elbows, keeping eye contact with Dan. 

“This week’s gonna be very educational for you then.” Phil says, giving Dan his little crooked smile. Before Dan can even retort, Phil’s pushed him onto his back and pinned his legs beneath him. 

“What do you wanna learn first?” Phil asks. He starts kissing down Dan’s neck which makes Dan’s brain go foggy. He pushes Dan’s shirt up and starts kissing down his belly, then onto his hipbones. 

“How about a review?” Phil says. He pulls down Dan’s pajama bottoms, ducking under the covers. Phil starts mouthing at Dan’s dick through his boxers, making Dan’s toes curl. 

“Do you always have to torture me like this?” Dan whimpers. Dan feels his boxers sliding down his legs, and cries out at the feeling of Phil’s mouth around him. 

Phil does that thing where he hollows out his cheeks, making Dan’s toes curl. Phil makes a little humming noise, and Dan fists up Phil’s sheets with a groan. 

“Phil, I-“ Dan starts, but before he can finish he’s shooting down Phil’s throat. Phil comes up from the covers and gives him a smirk as he wipes his mouth. 

“Your turn.” Phil says. Dan looks at him exasperatedly. Phil looks back with his eyebrows raised.

“It’s not going to be as good as you.” Dan warns. Phil shrugs, slipping off his pajama bottoms, and evidently he’s not wearing underwear underneath. 

“You were really hoping for this weren’t you?” Dan says. Phil nods, eyes trained on Dan.

Dan tentatively wraps his mouth around Phil, starting to mimic the motions that Phil was doing on him. Phil hisses and winces, which makes Dan pull off.

“Sorry, what’s wrong?” Dan asks. Phil shakes his head and shifts a bit on the bed.

“Just use less teeth.” Phil says, opening his mouth in an “O” shape and guarding his teeth with his lips. 

Dan ducks down to try again, moving his head up and down. Phil lets out a loud sigh, which Dan takes to mean he’s doing a pretty good job.

“Much better.” Phil gets out, letting out another sigh. Dan tries out hollowing his cheeks, Phil grabbing fistfuls of Dan’s hair. 

It’s not long before Phil pulls out of Dan’s mouth, releasing onto his stomach. Dan crawls back up to lay beside Phil, trying to not look too smug.

“Not bad for a first time eh?” Dan asks, brushing a sweaty lock of Phil’s hair off of his forehead.

“You were alright.” Phil says, a sly grin on his face. Dan swats him on the chest before getting up from the bed and retrieving his boxers. 

“Breakfast?” Dan asks, watching as Phil uses a dirty towel to wipe off his stomach. He shimmies his pajama bottoms back on, still with no underwear. 

“I think I’ve already had my breakfast.” Phil states. His smug demeanor is broken when he snorts at himself, breaking into uncontrollable giggles. Dan puts on his best scandalized face, balling up a shirt on the floor and tossing it at Phil. Phil laughs at him, standing up from the bed and heading to the kitchen.

They make pancakes together, but they end up wearing most of the ingredients. Dan is covered head to toe in flour by the time they’re done. 

“You’re helping me clean this up.” Phil says, pointing his fork at Dan. 

“Yes, dear.” Dan says sarcastically, finishing up his pancakes and putting his plate in the sink. He takes Phil’s for him when he’s done, rinsing them off and putting them in the drying rack. 

“What do you wanna do for the rest of the day?” Dan asks, leaning back on the counter. Phil rests his head in his hand, knocking his glasses askew. It’s a bit too adorable for Dan’s liking. 

“This morning was fun.” Phil says, giving Dan a sly grin. Dan grins back, walking past Phil and kissing his forehead. He’s halfway down the hallway before he realizes Phil isn’t following him. He turns around and looks at Phil staring at him as if he’s in some kind of stupor. 

“You coming?” Dan asks, smiling at him. Phil blinks, smiling back. He gets off his stool and practically skips up to Dan, making Dan giggle at him. 

“Still have a lot to learn right?” Dan asks playfully, opening the door to his bedroom. Phil hesitates a bit before stepping inside. 

“Definitely.” Phil says, grabbing Dan’s hand and pulling him inside. 

 

*****

 

The whole week Phil has alone with Dan is the best time he’s had since he got here. Not that being here has been bad, it’s just now they don’t have to hide. They can fuck on the couch if they want to (they have). 

Dan is a quick learner, especially considering he’s never been intimate with men before. Phil couldn’t give less of a shit about the sex, though. He just likes spending time with Dan. He’s also not sure if Dan feels the same. 

He acts like he feels the same, but every time Phil steers the conversation in that area Dan closes up. He tries to change the subject. Maybe he’s just scared, a lot of men like them are. Phil won’t let himself get his hopes up. 

“I’m gonna take a shower before bed.” Phil says, pecking Dan on the lips before walking out of the living room. 

“Okay. I’m gonna listen to the rest of this record.” Dan says. Phil smiles at him, listening as Frank Sinatra’s voice fades as he enters Dan’s bathroom. 

He turns the water on, letting the hot spray massage his sore muscles. He feels like an old man compared to Dan, who apparently is much more athletic than him. 

He’s shampooing his hair when the shower curtain is ripped open, cold air rushing into the shower. He lets out a high-pitched yelp, but then rolls his eyes as Dan steps into the shower. 

“You scared the hell out of me.” Phil says, smacking Dan’s chest. Dan laughs at him, reaching behind Phil to grab the shampoo. 

“Why haven’t we done this before?” Phil asks. Dan steps under the shower to get his hair wet. 

“I dunno. Save the best for last I guess?” Dan says, smiling. Phil knows it was supposed to be light hearted, but it doesn’t help that he’s reminded of Laura coming back tomorrow. 

“I guess so.” Phil replies, starting to soap up his body. Dan takes the soap from him and does the same. 

“Get my back?” Dan asks, a smirk on his face. Phil takes the soap back from Dan, squirting some of it into his hand. 

He massages it into Dan’s back, giving his hips a squeeze. Dan sucks in a breath and squirms away from him, stepping under the shower to rinse off the soap. 

“Ticklish?” Phil asks, laughing to himself. Dan pushes his wet curls out of his face.

“A little.” Dan says, giving Phil a tiny smile. Phil watches as Dan looks him up and down, smirking when Dan meets his eyes. Dan’s face flushes like it always does, pretty pink resting on his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. 

Phil steps forward, getting in Dan’s space, placing slippery kisses down his jaw and his neck. Dan gasps, bringing Phil’s face back up to him. He kisses Phil, pulling him so close there’s not room to breathe. Phil pulls them both out from under the spray so that they don’t drown, pushing Dan up against the wall of the shower. 

“Turn around.” Phil orders, stepping away from Dan so that Dan can move. Dan presses his front up against the shower, waiting for Phil to do something. Phil steps up close to him, slipping two fingers between his cheeks. Dan cries out against the shower wall, Phil kissing behind his ear to soothe him. 

“You tell me when you’re ready.” Phil says, twisting his fingers. Dan whimpers, nodding slowly. Phil lines up with his whole, slowly moving inside. Dan clenches around him, making Phil groan. 

“Relax.” Phil says, holding himself up on the shower wall and thrusting slowly. Dan makes a noise that sounds like a gasp and a moan, sending chills up Phil’s spine. Phil puts his other hand around Dan’s waist to steady him. 

Phil starts moving faster when Dan says he’s ready, and neither of them last long. Dan moans loudly, his legs wobbling. Phil follows suit, pulling out and moving to rest against the wall. 

“We really did save the best for last.” Phil says breathlessly, giving Dan a tired smile. Dan smiles back, reaching behind Phil to get some water in his hands and rinse off the shower wall. 

Phil turns off the water, following Dan out of the shower and drying himself off. He hands the towel to Dan when he’s done, putting on his pajama pants. He looks over at Dan, who is strangely silent. 

“You okay?” Phil asks. Dan looks up at him, as though in a trance, before giving him a tiny smile. 

“I’m okay.” Dan says, quietly slipping on the clothes he left on the floor. Phil feels like he has an idea of what Dan’s thinking about, but he can’t be sure. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Phil says, holding his hand out to Dan. Dan takes it, letting himself be led into bed. 

They both slide under the covers, immediately scooting closer to each other. Phil puts his arms around Dan, kissing the top of his forehead. Dan nuzzles into Phil’s chest.

“I wish it could be like this all the time.” Dan says quietly, his brows furrowed. Phil sighs quietly in response, looking down at Dan’s finger tracing patterns onto his chest. 

“It could be.” Phil says, without thinking. Dan’s finger stops moving. 

“What did you say?” Dan asks, his voice steely. He stares into Phil’s eyes with such intensity it makes Phil feel about two inches tall. 

“Nothing. I wasn’t thinking.” Phil explains, reaching for Dan’s hand. Dan pulls it away, getting up from the bed in a hurry. 

“Dan I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Phil says, watching Dan worriedly. 

“I can’t just uproot my life, Phil. I’ve worked so hard for this and I can’t just- you’re not-“ Dan says, sounding desperate. He starts pacing around the room, making Phil even more anxious. 

“Dan, please. I’m sorry. Forget I even said anything.” Phil continues. He doesn’t know what to do. He thought Dan wasn’t worried about Laura or what other people thought; he thought Dan would feel similar, if not a little scared. 

“My friends would never speak to me again, my family would never see me. I can’t lose all of those people, Phil.” Dan says. It almost sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself. 

“I love you.” Phil blurts, wondering when his mouth got a mind of its own. Dan stops pacing and looks at him, tears welling in his eyes and a soft, desperate noise coming out of his mouth. 

“Don’t say that.” Dan says quietly, adding “I think you should leave.” 

“Dan, please I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset y-“ Phil begins.

“Just leave, Phil!” Dan yells, before adding a soft please at the end. Phil bites back tears, throwing the covers off and storming out of the room. 

He plops down on his own bed, and starts crying into his pillow. How could he have fucked up so badly? Why did he think Dan would just go along with what he said? 

You know what? No. How dare he. How DARE he. How dare Dan make him think this. If he weren’t so open this week and wanting and loving then Phil wouldn’t think that Dan actually loved him. 

But maybe Dan does. Maybe he loves Phil but is so concerned about his perfect American image that he can’t be with Phil. But if he loved Phil enough, wouldn’t he leave all that behind? 

At some point, Phil falls asleep, feeling hurt and angry and sad. And when he wakes up, Laura is there, and Dan is there pretending like the last week never happened, leaving Phil frustrated to the point where he feels like screaming.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being so bad at updating!! i’ve been having some health issues that kept me from writing. I hope y’all enjoy this nice long chapter to make up for it!

September, 1955 

 

“Hey, Phil.” Dan says, taking a bite of his salad. Phil looks at him over his glass of water. Laura looks over at him as well. 

“Did you know that it’s been exactly one year since you got here?” Dan asks. Phil and Laura exchange a look. Dan looks between the both of them, confused. 

“What?” Dan asks, slumping down in his chair a bit. Laura smiles at Phil. 

“Laura pointed that out to me earlier.” Phil says, trying not to smile too big. Dan flails his arms out exasperatedly. 

“I wanted to tell him that!” Dan whines, stabbing at a piece of cucumber. Phil and Laura giggle to themselves, Laura reaching over and patting Dan’s shoulder. 

“Sorry, dear. We both just figured it out when we were looking at the calendar earlier.” Laura says. Dan sighs, looking over at Phil. He’s not smiling anymore, until he notices Dan looking at him and plasters on a fake smile. 

“Well, a whole year eh?” Dan says to himself, pausing to think. How can they celebrate this? He slams his fork down on the table, suddenly knowing what he wants to do. Phil and Laura jump a bit. 

“Phil, you’re curious about what I do, right? Like at work.” Dan says. Phil looks around a bit with his eyes, before nodding. 

“Why don’t I take you to see my office?” Dan says, smiling. Phil smiles back at him. 

“That sounds fun!” Phil says happily, taking a last bite of his salad. Dan grins at him, glad Phil didn’t seem to think it was condescending. Laura smiles at Dan, which is nice. She doesn’t seem to perceive Phil as a threat anymore, which is also nice. If she only knew. 

If Dan could choose, he’d choose to be married to Phil and have Laura as a close friend. He cares about Laura, almost like family, but he realizes now it was never romantic. But things don’t work like that, men can’t marry other men. Besides, what would his family think? What would his friends and coworkers think? They’d all drop him the moment they found out. 

So he’s keeping it quiet for now. Just he and Phil’s secret. He catches Phil’s eye as he leaves the kitchen, throwing him a wink while Laura’s back is turned. Phil smiles wide in return, cheeks going pink. Dan laughs into his water, they’re like a couple of teenagers. 

“What?” Laura asks, giving Dan a confused smile. Dan looks over at her, mildly startled. He almost forgot she was there.

“Hm? Oh, nothing. I’m just glad Phil’s excited to see the office.” Dan says, finishing his water and walking to put the glass in the sink. 

“Yeah. That was really nice of you.” Laura says, leaning up and kissing Dan’s cheek while he’s cleaning the cup. He smiles at her, and she gives his shoulder a squeeze. 

“I’m gonna take a quick shower.” she says, making her way out of the kitchen. Dan doesn’t say anything, just nods in acknowledgement. He dries off the cup with a dish towel, listening as the door to their bedroom closes, and the shower turns on. 

He quickly and quietly makes his way to Phil’s room, slipping into the room and closing the door quietly. Phil is sitting on his bed, watching with great amusement. 

“Dan, what are y-“ he begins, but quiets himself when Dan holds his finger up to his lips, shushing him. 

Dan walks over to the bed, plopping down and giving Phil a kiss, knocking his glasses askew. Phil fixes them after he pulls away, smiling to himself. 

“What was that for?” Phil says. Dan leans in and pecks his lips again. He can feel Phil smiling under it. 

“I don’t know.” Dan replies. Phil smiles dazedly back, closing the book on his lap. It’s the H.P. Lovecraft anthology that Dan got him, which makes Dan’s chest feel warm. 

“Thanks for inviting me to your office.” Phil says, grabbing Dan’s hand and intertwining their fingers. 

“No sweat. You don’t think I’m being condescending do you?” Dan asks. Phil looks at him quizzically, shaking his head.

“No, I’m excited because it’s like I get to see a different part of your life. Like I’ll be apart of more of your life than just when you come home.” Phil replies. Dan smiles sadly at him. 

“You know this isn’t a prison right? You can go off and do things you want.” Dan says. Phil nods. 

“I know. And I have. It’s just you’re at work when I do.” Phil says. Dan sighs. Phil squeezes his hand. 

“It’s okay. I gotta get my paycheck from somewhere right?” Phil says, smiling cheekily. Dan’s jaw drops in feign shock, slapping Phil on the chest. 

“How DARE you.” Dan says, trying to sound offended. He thinks his giggles ruin it. Phil is giggling back. 

“I would go to bed early if I were you.” Dan says, standing up from the bed. Phil raises an eyebrow. 

“Why? Oh. You want me to come tomorrow?” Phil asks. Dan nods. 

“Yeah. Unless you don’t want to?” Dan replies. Phil shakes his head vigorously. 

“No, tomorrow’s fine!” Phil says. Dan smiles at him, pushing open the door. 

“Wait, Dan.” Phil says. Dan pauses in the door frame. 

“Yes, Phil?” Dan says. Phil scoots up his bed. 

“What should I wear?” Phil asks. Dan chuckles at him. 

“Something cute.” Dan replies, winking at him for the second time tonight. Phil beams, his cheeks and ears going red. 

“Goodnight, Phil.” Dan says, finally leaving the room and shutting the door. He notices the shower’s off, so he goes into he and Laura’s room. 

Laura smiles at him as he comes in, flipping through radio channels. Dan smiles back, changing out of his clothes and into pajamas. As he’s slipping some pants on, he feels Laura’s hands at his side, tugging on the pants. Without thinking, he pulls her hands away. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks. Dan turns around, shirt in hand. Her eyes look hurt, and angry. Dan slips the shirt on. 

“Nothing.” Dan replies, trying to sound nonchalant. Laura frowns. 

“Then c’mon. I wanna play.” Laura says, biting her lip. At one point Dan might have called that endearing. When he was still a horny teenager and anything with a pulse could get him aroused. 

Her hands start to slide up his shirt, hiking it up. He pulls them out, pulling his shirt back down. She crosses her arms at him, looking him up and down. 

“What’s the problem Dan?” she asks. Dan doesn’t have an answer. ‘You’re not 6’2” with bright blue eyes and cute freckles sprinkled across your nose’ isn’t exactly an appropriate response. 

“Nothing. I’m just not in the mood.” Dan says, walking over to the bed. Laura scoffs. Here we go. The peace was nice while it lasted. 

“Not in the mood? Like the past, what, year and a half?” Laura says, her voice rising slightly. Dan can feel his face get hot. 

“Lower your voice.” Dan says. Laura laughs hysterically. 

“Why? So your boyfriend can’t hear?” she says, her voice like ice. Dan feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Dan says. Trying to keep his voice level. 

“Sure seems like it. Considering the majority of the time you ‘weren’t in the mood’ was when he got here.” Laura says. Dan feels his hands start to tremble. 

“I’m not a fucking fruit, Laura.” Dan says. Laura rolls her eyes. 

“You better not be. If he hasn’t already turned you into one.” she says, climbing into the bed. Dan tries to steady his breathing. 

“Goodnight, Laura.” he says, storming out of the room and heading to the guest bedroom upstairs. 

He closes the door behind him when he gets there, pacing wildly around the room. How could she tell? He thought that he was hiding it well, playing the good American husband. He thought he and Phil were hiding what they had. Dan even toned it down a bit after Phil’s.. confession. He didn’t want to lead Phil on but he also knew he couldn’t stay away from him. 

Maybe she was just saying that to get at him. To get under his skin. Whatever she was doing, it worked. Dan can’t seem to calm his paranoia even as he climbs into bed. He’s still going to take Phil to the office tomorrow. He can’t crush him like that. 

Just from now on, they have to be even more careful. Nobody can find out. If they do, everything Dan has worked for will be ruined. Dan tosses and turns, trying to quiet his brain. Needless to say, he doesn’t get much sleep that night. 

 

****

 

In the morning, Phil finds something semi-smart to wear. He doesn’t want to look like a slob, but he also doesn’t work there. He’s really excited to see some of Dan’s coworkers, but he doesn’t know how Dan will introduce him to them. Probably some made up story about a friend from out of town or something. 

Phil makes his way into the kitchen, putting some bread in the toaster. He thinks back to last night, how Dan kissed him for no reason, just because he wanted to. As he was falling asleep, he could’ve sworn he heard Dan and Laura arguing, but it was so fleeting he couldn’t be sure. He hopes it wasn’t about him. Especially since he and Dan just started getting all lovey-dovey again for the first time since that week in June. 

“Morning, Phil!” Dan calls from the staircase, and, that’s weird. He’s in his pajamas still, was he sleeping upstairs? Phil smiles, trying to not look confused. Dan squeezes his shoulder as he passes through, heading towards his usual bedroom. 

Phil’s toast pops out of the toaster, startling him out of his thoughts. He gets the butter out of the fridge and butters a piece, leaning against the counter and taking a bite. Dan walks into the kitchen as Phil finishes his toast, pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

“You look nice.” Dan says, taking a sip of his coffee. Phil feels his face get hot, mumbling a tiny thanks in Dan’s direction. Dan smiles at him from behind his coffee mug. 

They finish their breakfast in a comfortable silence, before they both go over to put on their shoes. Dan grabs his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. 

“Ready to go?” Dan says, hand hovering over the door knob. Phil looks around, suddenly aware that Laura isn’t there. She usually sends Dan off in the morning. 

“Where’s Laura?” Phil asks. Dan looks mildly like a deflated balloon. He opens the door, starting to step out. 

“Still sleeping.” he says. Phil doesn’t push it any further, but it doesn’t help the suspicions he had about them fighting. 

The ride to Dan’s work is quiet, with the pop radio station on a low volume. Phil picks at the fabric on his pants. Dan looks over at him before looking back at the road. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asks. Phil doesn’t really know himself. He guesses he’s kind of nervous to meet new people, and there’s that usual level of confusion he’s had the majority of the time he’s been here. 

“Nothing. Just nervous I guess.” Phil replies, giving him a tiny smile. Dan reaches over and gives his hand a squeeze before putting it back on the wheel. 

“Don’t be. My coworkers are all really nice. There’s not that many of them anyway.” Dan says. Phil sighs. He’s going to have to talk to Dan later. 

When they finally get into Dan’s office, they’re greeted by a very excited blonde girl sitting at the front desk. She practically falls out of her chair as they walk in. 

“Hi Dan!” she squeals, before her eyes travel to Phil. 

“Morning, Hazel. This is my.. cousin. Phil.” Dan says. Hazel lets out a tiny “oh” and smiles brightly at Phil. 

“He’s visiting from out of town and wanted to see the office.” Dan says. Phil smiles back at Hazel, who’s still smiling just as wide as before. 

There’s only a few other people there, as they walk straight through the main area and into a room with “Daniel Howell” on a placard next to the door.

“You have your own office?” Phil asks. Dan plops his bag onto his desk. He looks around his own office and sticks his arms out, presenting it to Phil. 

“Yep. I’m not the only one though.” Dan says. He sits down in his desk chair, while Phil sits across from him. Phil doesn’t know much about law but he’s guessing having your own office is a big deal. 

“I don’t have any clients booked for today so I thought it would be a good day to bring you in for a bit.” Dan explains. Phil stops looking around the room to look at Dan. 

“We can go to lunch when we leave if you want?” Dan asks. Phil nods, smiling. He feels weird sitting here. He’s glad Dan is opening up about other parts of his life, but he can’t help but to feel weird. He’s four years older than Dan and yet he’s stuck picking up after other people. 

“Hey, Dan.” a voice says from behind Phil. Phil turns to look at who it is, broken from his thoughts. He feels Dan’s eyes drift from him to the person in the doorway. 

“Oh.. sorry.” he says, starting to back out of the room. 

“It’s alright, Tom. This is just my cousin, Phil.” Dan says. Tom looks between Phil and Dan, taking a tentative step into the room. 

“Nice to meet you, Phil.” Tom says, sticking out his hand for Phil to shake. Phil does, smiling up at Tom. Tom seems friendly, with his round face and reddish hair. 

“Y’know, Dan’s never really talked about you.” Tom says. Dan and Phil both start to speak at the same time, but Dan lets Phil talk. 

“I’m from out of town.” Phil replies. Tom nods, apparently satisfied. A few beats pass before Dan speaks up. 

“Did you come in here for something?” Dan asks. Tom jumps a bit before going red. 

“Oh, yeah. I uh.. I forgot.” Tom says. He awkwardly scuffles out of the room, closing the door behind him. Phil chuckles as he leaves. 

He turns back to find Dan closing the blinds on his window, and follows him with his eyes as he locks the door to his office. Phil feels his brows furrow, before Dan is sitting on his lap, straddling him. 

“Hi.” Dan breathes. Phil feels his face get warm. He lets out a breathy laugh. 

“Did you bring me all the way here just to fuck me?” Phil jokes. Dan smirks, ducking his head and kissing underneath Phil’s jaw. Phil gasps, gripping the sides of his chair. Dan brings his face up, giving Phil a sloppy kiss. 

“I didn’t originally, but now it seems like a good idea.” Dan says, the response comically late. Phil forgets what question he even asked. 

“We gotta keep quiet.” Phil mutters. Dan lets out a shaky breath, nodding at Phil. Phil knows what’s going to happen after this. He knows they’re going to go home and Dan will pretend like this never happened. So why can’t he tell Dan to stop? 

Phil strangles a moan as Dan starts to roll his hips, grinding down on the tent in Phil’s pants. Dan scoots back a bit, starting to undo his belt. Phil puts his hand on Dan’s, stopping him. 

“Wait. If we do this, you have to promise we’ll talk about it later. And talk about some other things.” Phil says. Dan sighs, but eventually nods. 

“Okay. I just want you in me. Right now.” Dan says. Phil smiles at him. He can do that. He has Dan stand up so that he can pull his pants off. He decides to leave his boxers on, he wants to let them play first. Dan seems to be thinking the same thing. 

Dan climbs back on top of Phil, continuing to roll his hips. Phil lets out a gasp as their erections bump into each other, Dan stifling a moan. Dan continues rolling his hips, his movements growing more messy. 

Fuck the boxers. Phil pulls Dan’s down and his own as well. The feeling of their skin bumping together has them both making strangled noises into each other’s shoulders. 

“Floor.” Dan grunts. Phil somehow lifts Dan and himself onto the floor, groaning as their dicks touch again. 

“Fingers?” Phil asks. Dan nods. Phil sticks two fingers inside Dan, Dan’s toes curling. He stretches and curls until sweat forms on Dan’s forehead. 

“Now.” Dan says. Phil pulls his fingers out, replacing them with his dick. Dan whimpers, Phil kissing him on the forehead to soothe him. He gives one slow thrust, Dan sliding up the floor a bit. 

“Phil, please.” Dan says, clawing at Phil’s back. Phil falls to his elbow and moves faster. He hits Dan’s prostate, Dan making a stifled noise on the floor. They both come quickly, panting on the floor of Dan’s office. 

“Well, shit.” Dan says, looking down at his shirt. Phil laughs at him, pulling out and sitting back on his feet. They both lean on each other to stand up, their legs like jelly. Dan walks, or waddles, around to the back of his desk where he pulls out a clean shirt. 

“You did bring me here just to fuck me.” Phil says, slipping his boxers and pants back on. Dan shrugs, smiling to himself. Phil shakes his head in feign disbelief. Dan walks around to collect his own underwear and pants. 

“Sorry, love.” Dan says, walking up to Phil and pecking his lips. Phil smiles dazedly at him, watching as Dan slips the clean shirt on and replaces his jacket. 

“How’s my hair?” Dan asks, looking at Phil. Phil pushes a few sweaty locks out of view. 

“As wild and curly as ever.” Phil replies. Dan smiles at him, before fixing Phil’s hair in return. Dan walks over to the window and reopens the blinds, and unlocks his door. 

“We’ll talk later.” Dan says, his back to Phil, “I promise.” 

“Thanks, Dan.” Phil says as Dan walks back to sit at his desk. Dan gives him a tiny smile, which Phil returns. 

The rest of the time they’re at Dan’s office a few people pop in, including a young man with a subtle Irish lilt named Sean. He shook Phil’s hand excitedly and told Phil to call him Jack. 

Hazel says good bye to them as they leave, with Jack waving excitedly from his corner of the office. Phil giggles and waves back as he and Dan step into the corridor. 

“Any place in the city you’re itching to go eat?” Dan asks Phil once they’re in the elevator. Phil shakes his head. 

“Nope. You pick.” he replies. Dan nods, his eyes lingering on Phil. He can probably sense that something’s up with Phil. 

They end up eating at Italian place, talking like they usually do. It’s kind of nice, being out with Dan without Laura here. It’s sort of like a date, except if he and Dan made it look like a date they’d be thrown out, no doubt about it. 

Phil figures out what he wants to say in the car ride home. He hopes Dan won’t be angry with him, but he knows it’s for the best. For Phil’s sanity, at least. 

 

*****

 

Phil’s washing dishes when Dan sneaks up behind him, whispering “game room” into his ear as he passes. He starts heading up the stairs, assuming Phil is behind him. When Dan opens the door, Phil is walking down the hallway towards him. 

Dan takes a seat on one of the chairs, inviting Phil to do the same. Phil does, looking nervous, which makes Dan feel nervous. Phil’s seemed kind of antsy all day, making Dan not want to hear what he has to say. 

“Okay, um.. I’m not sure where to start.” Phil says, wringing his hands. Dan puts a hand on Phil’s knee, trying to comfort him. Instead Phil looks like he’s just been stung, making Dan  
pull his hand away. 

“I, um.. can’t keep doing this.” Phil says, looking down at his lap. Dan feels even more nervous than before, feeling like there’s no air left in the room. 

“Wha- what do you mean?” Dan asks, struggling to form words. Is Phil breaking up with him? Can he even call it that? Phil takes a deep breath. 

“I can’t keep.. being with you and seeing you look at me like that to just have you come home and pretend it never happened. It’s not good for me. I don’t even know how you feel about me, Dan.” Phil spews, talking very fast. Dan’s eyes catch on Phil’s bottom lip, which is quivering. 

“I can’t.. you know I can’t, Phil.” Dan replies. Phil huffs out a shaky breath. 

“I know. That’s why I think we should stick to being friends. No more of this. I can’t do this anymore.” Phil says, sniffling. Dan doesn’t know what to say. He can’t lose Phil. But he also can’t lose everything else. 

“I also know.. that you’re scared. And that’s okay. I get it. I just can’t.. keep doing this if you can’t accep-“ Phil’s cut off by Dan standing up. 

“You- you don’t know what I am, Phil. I can’t lose this! I can’t lose my reputation!” Dan says, his voice rising. Phil puts his head in his hands. 

“I don’t want to fight. I know. That’s why I want to stop this.” Phil says. Dan starts pacing, feeling a since of deja vu. 

“What do you want, Dan?” Phil asks, his eyes  
following Dan back and forth. Dan let’s out a frustrated noise. 

“I want you.” Dan says in a quiet voice. Phil makes a noise that’s either a whimper or a laugh. 

“You can’t have both Dan. That’s why I want to stop this. Unless-“ Phil says, but Dan interrupts him again. 

“Unless what, Phil? You wanna just run away together?” Dan says, getting loud again. 

“Don’t patronize me.” Phil says, sounding stern. 

“My friends would never talk to me. My family would never see me. I can’t lose them, Phil.” Dan says. Phil just blinks back at Dan. 

“So then we’re done.” Phil says, with no emotion in it, just like he’s stating a fact. He stands up and starts to walk out of the room. Dan grabs his arm before he gets there. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” Dan says. Phil looks like he’s at his wits end. 

“Yes it does.” Phil says, wriggling out of Dan’s grasp. 

“You can’t make me choose!” Dan yells desperately. 

“You can’t keep making me feel like this!” Phil yells back. 

“Just because you lost your family doesn’t mean I have to lose mine too!” Dan shouts, losing control of his words. He slaps his hands over his mouth, tasting bile in his throat. Phil lets out a gasp, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“What is going on in here?” Laura says as she comes in the door, right as Phil lands his fist into Dan’s jaw. Laura screams, her hands flying to her face. 

“Fuck you.” Phil mutters, Dan knelt on the floor and holding his face. Laura can’t do anything but stand in shock. 

The last Dan sees of Phil is the back of his legs as he leaves the room, as he spits the blood in his mouth onto the floor, listening to Phil empty his dresser in the distance.


	8. Chapter 8

July, 1960

 

Phil walks into work, sweating through his shirt underneath his suit jacket. He plops his bag down at his desk, smiling at his assistant. 

“Good morning, Louise. It’s a hot one out isn’t it?” he says, fanning himself and taking off his jacket for a bit. 

“It sure is. My friends wanna go to the pool this weekend to cool off.” Louise tells him. He smiles at her, genuinely interested. She informs him he has about 20 minutes before he has to be on camera. 

Phil’s coworkers don’t know much about him. They know he got a degree in meteorology after some incident in his life, they just don’t know what. They also know that Phil used to dye his hair, but one day he decided to stop. 

Phil always wanted to be a weatherman. After what happened in September of ‘55, he decided he had enough of his past job. He got his meteorology degree, still paying off a bunch of loans, and was hired for a local weather station. 

He doesn’t know what Dan’s doing, hasn’t seen him or talked to him since. Phil thinks about him from time to time, and misses him, stupidly. Phil should be forever angry at what Dan said to him, but part of him knows he didn’t mean it. That he was scared. People say awful things when they’re scared. 

Phil gets through the day, recording different segments that can air later, and doing some live segments with the news anchors. He gets into his car at the end of the day, heading to the bar he and PJ agreed to meet at. 

PJ reached out to Phil sometime in ‘57. Phil wasn’t sure how he found him, but he was glad for it. PJ had been a good friend to him, and it saddened Phil to lose him just because of what happened with Dan. 

Phil walks into the bar, looking around for PJ. He spots him, his arm waving wildly to get Phil’s attention. Phil chuckles, walking towards the back of the bar where PJ is seated. 

“Hey, PJ.” Phil says as he sits down, two beers already on the table. PJ slides Phil’s closer to him. 

“Hey, Phil. How’s it going?” PJ asks, taking a sip of his beer. Phil shrugs, taking a sip of his own. 

“Good, just tired I guess.” Phil replies, giving PJ a tiny smile. PJ knows everything that happened with Dan, and didn’t say anything to anyone, thankfully. PJ has seen Phil at his absolute worst, recounting the event two years after it happened.

They talk for a while, going through a few beers. They talk about what they’ve been up to, some programs on TV. It’s the same ease of conversation it’s always been. Phil is thankful PJ didn’t immediately distance himself after Phil  
told his story, he couldn’t imagine getting by without him. 

Phil says goodbye to PJ and drives back home to his apartment. When he gets inside he plops his bag onto the couch, peeling off his shoes and collapsing into his armchair. He closes his eyes, sighing. He’s startled out of his position when the phone starts ringing. 

“Hello?” Phil says, once he’s walked over. There’s a sigh on the other end. 

“Hey Phil.” the voice says. Phil immediately recognizes it. 

“Wha- how did you-?” Phil stammers. Dan chuckles. 

“Saw you on TV, called your station, and a very bubbly lady gave me your number.” he replies, nonchalantly. Dammit Louise. 

“Why are you calling me Dan?” Phil asks. His heart is beating as fast as a mouse. 

“I wanted to explain myself, tell you what happened after you left.” Dan says. 

“I left because of what you did.” Phil replies. Dan sighs again. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Dan says. There’s silence where neither of them talks. 

“Can I meet you somewhere? For coffee or something. I feel like we should talk in person.” Dan says. Phil holds his breath. 

“Okay.” he says. Dan is quiet but Phil knows he’s smiling. 

“Okay.” he says, before adding “2:00? the diner next to your building?” Dan says. Phil is alarmed by the fact that Dan knows where he lives, but then remembers that it’s probably in the phonebook. 

“Okay.” Phil says, feeling numb. He’s going to see Dan after 5 years. The last time he saw him  
he was spitting blood onto the game room floor. 

“Bye, Phil.” Dan says. Phil exhales slowly. 

“Goodbye, Dan.” Phil says, before hanging up the phone. He runs his hand over his face, sighing. Nothing could’ve prepared him for this. 

 

*****

 

Dan must have fixed his hair in the mirror a thousand times before he decided to brave the outdoors. He doesn’t know how Phil will react to seeing him. Yesterday on the phone his voice sounded hollow, none of the usual brightness and excitement that’s usually in his voice. 

Dan supposes that’s fair. Dan did say something really nasty to Phil the last time he saw him. Something he didn’t even mean. Something he said out of fear. Now he has a scar on his lip and a chipped tooth to remind him of it. 

Dan didn’t plan on staying in this town long. He wanted to get away from the city, away from people who knew him. He wasn’t sure if all of them knew, and he didn’t want to stick around for when they found out. 

Then one night, as he was flipping aimlessly through the channels, he sees someone who looks familiar. His finger hovers over the remote, squinting at the TV. The man on the screen has light, reddish brown hair, and he’s talking about this week’s weather forecast. 

“Back to Caspar, with sports.” the man says, turning to face the camera with a smile. Holy shit. Phil is announcing the weather. A huge smile spreads over Dan’s face, and he can’t even explain why. He briefly recalls Phil saying he’d always wanted to be a weatherman. 

Dan writes down the station, then looks up their number in the phone book. He writes down their number, walking to the phone and dialing. His heart feels like it’s going to leap out of his throat. He doesn’t even know if Phil will want to see him. 

“Hi, this is Louise! Who are you trying to reach?” a very excited voice says. Dan holds the receiver a bit away from his ear. 

“Uh, a Mr. Phil Lester. I’m an old friend and just saw him on the news.” Dan explains. Louise giggles in his ear. 

“Oh how funny! Sorry though, Phil just left for the evening.” she says, sounding genuinely sad for Dan. 

“Do you know how else I can contact him? It’s kind of urgent.” Dan presses. Louise clicks her teeth. 

“I have his home phone but..” she says, sounding hesitant. Dan taps his fingers against the wall. 

“Well you did say it was urgent!” Louise says happily, apparently justifying giving a random stranger the weatherman’s number. Dan thanks her profusely, immediately hanging up and dialing Phil. 

When Dan hangs up with Phil, he’s a mixture of nervous and excited. He knows Phil is probably just nervous, if not angry, and rightly so. Dan just hopes he can make it right. 

 

Dan steps into the diner, letting the cool air conditioning fall over his face. He looks around, trying to spot Phil. He does eventually, sat in the back corner, clutching his coffee in his hands, staring down into it. 

Dan decides to just walk over, sliding into the seat across from Phil. Phil’s head snaps up, his face looking numb. Dan smiles, not sure what else to do. 

“Hi.” he says. Phil exhales, some color coming back into his cheeks. 

“I-“ they both say in unison, followed by nervous laughing. Phil gestures to Dan. 

“You go first.” Phil says. Dan takes a deep breath. 

“I wanted to apologize, first off. For everything. Especially for what I said to you.” Dan says. He refrains from grabbing Phil’s hand across the table.

“Don’t worry about-“ Phil begins, but Dan holds up his hand.

“No Phil. It was wrong of me to say. It’s no excuse that I was scared, it hurt you. I never wanted to do that.” Dan says. Phil takes a sip of coffee. 

“I’m sorry about punching you in the face.” Phil says, the corners of his mouth turning up. Dan chuckles.

“I deserved it. Besides the scar on my lip and my chipped tooth reminded me that I had to come back to you someday and... explain everything.” Dan says. He moves his lip in a way that shows the scar, then opens his mouth to show the chipped tooth. He sees Phil’s hand twitch on the table, like he was going to move it but decided not to. 

“After you left I didn’t know what to do. I stared at the blood on the floor and barely heard Laura frantically asking me what happened. I wondered why I made it seem like I was more worried about losing her, when my biggest fear was watching you walk away.” Dan says. Phil looks like he’s holding his breath. 

“I told Laura everything. She took it surprisingly well, considering. I ended up leaving that night as well, the divorce wasn’t messy, but it was stressful. I tried being with guys but I realized I was comparing them all to you.” Dan continues. Phil’s looking at him now, his blue eyes searching his face. 

“I moved around a lot, trying to get away from the city. And then I saw you on TV. And now here we are.” Dan says. He waits for Phil to say something. 

“I don’t even know what to say, Dan. I know you’re sorry and I know I forgive you, and I am glad to see you but, where do we go from here?” Phil says after a long pause. Dan sighs. 

“I don’t know Phil. I just wanted to see you. In person.” Dan says. Phil lets out a breath. 

“I wanted to see you too.” Phil replies. Dan’s heart starts racing. 

“I like your hair.” Dan says, reaching out against his will and brushing it off Phil’s face. Phil doesn’t pull away like Dan thought he would. 

“Thanks.” he says, smiling a little bigger. Dan smiles back. They sit in silence for a while, sometimes catching eyes, smiling when they do. Dan plays with the napkins, tearing them into little strips and then curling the strips into balls. 

“You know I love you right?” Dan says quietly, breaking the silence. Phil looks at him, one eyebrow raised. 

“Do you mean loved?” Phil asks, eyes locked onto Dan. Dan turns his body so he’s directly facing Phil, folding his hands on the table. He shakes his head slowly back and forth. 

“You would think I would mean that right? It’s been five years. But no. I still love you.” Dan says. Phil’s cheeks turn that same shade of pink. 

“I think I love you too.” Phil says. Dan smiles giddily, but stops when he notices Phil isn’t smiling. 

“What?” Dan asks, worried. He feels like his gut is made of lead. 

“I can’t be with you. Not right now. My career is just kicking off and I know you’re sorry but.. you hurt me Dan. I want to be with you but, how do I know you’re fully okay with yourself? I can’t put myself through that again.” Phil says, his eyes welling up. Dan immediately feels ashamed. 

“I don’t know how to prove it to you Phil, but I want to.” Dan says. He grabs Phil’s hand, squeezing it. Trying to squeeze some conviction into him that this will work this time. 

“I know you do.” Phil says, smiling sadly. He finishes his coffee, pulling his hand out of Dan’s grasp. He stands up, and Dan feels like he did that night in 1955, watching the love of his life walk away. 

Phil pushes Dan’s hair back, one hand on his chest. He kisses Dan’s forehead, gently and sweetly. Dan feels tears prick at his eyes. 

“Goodbye, Dan.” he whispers, so close it hurts. 

“Goodbye, Phil.” Dan replies, swallowing the lump in his throat. Phil starts to walk away, but turns back to Dan. 

“This all doesn’t mean I want you to be a stranger, though.” Phil replies, really smiling this time. Dan laughs thickly, feeling tears start to  
spill down his face. He waves at Phil one final time as he exits the diner. 

He laughs to himself, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands, not sure how to feel. He feels sad, because all he wants to do is be with Phil, but he also feels lighter. The weight of guilt is lifted off his shoulders, and he knows now that Phil doesn’t hate him. 

 

He’s changing into his pajamas later, still thinking about Phil, that bittersweet feeling still sat in his chest. He takes off his shirt from the day, when he sees something fall out of his shirt pocket and flutter to the ground. 

He picks it up, realizing it’s a napkin. How did this get in his shirt pocket? He flips it over and recognizes the handwriting on the front, written in blue pen. 

Dan smiles wide as he reads the message, remembering the night they danced to Sinatra, and that lyric played over both their heads as they stepped over each other’s feet. 

He sets the napkin on his bedside table, staring at the words as he drifts to sleep, a few more tears finding their way to his pillow. 

“‘Sometimes the things I do astound me, mostly whenever you’re around me.’ See you around, Dan. Yours, Phil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! it’s been a long ride, but it’s certainly been a fun one! I hope you guys have enjoyed reading my story, and that you’re not too mad about the ending eep. I tried to make it as happy as I could I promise!! hope u liked the callback to Sinatra ;) anyway thank you for reading and enjoying my story!! your comments all make my day you guys are so nice!! i have a few ideas for future works but until then if you wanna see what i’m up to besides writing, you can follow me on twitter @smellsIikewarm!  
> i’ve said it like twelve times but thank you guys so much!! hope you’ve enjoyed :))


End file.
